There are some sure signs of a ghost haunting your house. There are weird noises, random chills, things falling over, and general disarray. Your electronic devices might turn on and off by themselves, or have eerie static coming from the screens and speakers. If you’re being plagued by poltergeists, don’t fear. There are steps you can take to expel these wayward spirits from your home. Many of these remedies are home grown, so there’s no need to fret. You’ll be busting ghosts in no time flat if you follow these simple measures.
1. Busybody with No Body
The number one cause of ghosts, beating out burial on a graveyard, is a spirit with some profound unfinished business. The spirit lingers because they were taken from life in a way that didn’t mesh with their overall to-do list. The ghost will haunt because it feels it needs to complete its tasks. The problem is, its task might be boring or impossible to do, remaining incomplete. The solution is to keep the ghost busy otherwise. Give them a Sudoku book or a crossword. Keeping them occupied will keep them away from you.
2. Cold War
A more hostile method of driving ghosts out would be to take an escalation approach. They might be making life uncomfortable for you, but there’s no reason you can’t be a jerk right back. Every time a ghost wakes you up or scares off a date, they’re consolidating power from your emotions. Well, take steps to remove their power. Ghosts hate well lit rooms, religious iconography associated with benevolent deities, and chants of any kind. Hold a party. Be happy. Do everything you can to annoy the ghost, they may just leave on their own.
3. Zoinks!
A method employed since the 1960s is the talking dog approach. Decades of documentary programming have shown that if you gather your friends and acquire a talking dog, the ghosts in your vicinity will most likely prove to be an old person in a mask. In the rare even that the supernatural is real, then a talking dog increases your chance of trapping the ghost with a silly scheme to a 100% success rate. The downside of this is that the food budget for your household increases exponentially, and people generally start to regard you as meddling.
4. Who Are You Going to Call?
If the wrath of the wraith in your residence is just getting out of hand, don’t be afraid to hire professionals to try and exhume the ectoplasmic anomaly. The people you hire to clean out your house can be either religious or secular in nature. Scientific methods have pron just as effective as ancient rituals. The more experienced the exorcist, the better. Amateur ventures have been known to come under possession or spontaneously burst into flames after contact with a mean ghost. Your local Craigslist should have a supernatural section to look into.
5. The Obvious Answer
If all of these methods fail, there’s always the option of moving. With any luck, the ghosts plaguing you are tied to the property. If it’s that simple, then by leaving the premises you’re free from the haunting. In unfortunate cases, the otherworldly beings may latch onto a person instead. In that case, don’t be afraid to put your affected peer into adoption or divorce. Sometimes, ghosts are just irritating enough to justify that course of action. If you can’t bring yourself to do that, then maybe try making peace with the ghost. Some of them aren’t that bad, I hear.
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