5 Coldest Winter Things

These things are so much cooler than you.  When winter rolls around, you know things are about to cool off and stay frosty.  Some things are just colder than others by their very nature.  Now that we’re deep into Winter, bumping into Christmas, it’s time to realize which things are cooler than cool.  Here’s the top 5.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_1980_Winter_Olympics_medal_winners

1.  Noses

Noses in winter are the coldest point on your face.  If two noses touch during winter time, there’s even a chance they will both shatter.  Winter is just that cold.  The only thing to stop your cold nose is to wear a full on ski mask, but then everyone will thing you’re a criminal.  Still, it’s better to have a bad reputation than a cold nose.

2.  Soda

You ever keep soda out in the garage?  Those cans get crazy cold.  It seems like they get colder than the cans in the fridge.  You might as well put the cans in the fridge to keep them warm.  They will turn to ice in your mouth if you aren’t careful.  Just chug them fast and hopefully you don’t turn into an icicle.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/suckamc/403786890/

3.  Feet

Your feet will no doubt be the coldest part of you all winter, in competition with your nose.  Feet are like exhaust ports for heat.  Your shoes are rubbery heat sinks.  All winter, if you aren’t careful, you’re two minutes away from your toes just freezing and falling off.  Wear socks and keep your feet dry, kids.

4.  Blankets

Blankets are wishy-washy and can’t decide what they want to be.  They have a reputation of keeping you warm, but that is only if you feed them your warmth first.  They are greedy.  After eating up your warmth, they will then give some of it back to you under the covers.  I say it’s time to stop blanket hand outs.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/boltofblue/2879740735/

5.  Bathrooms

Did you just take a shower or bath?  Enjoy your hypothermia.  Every bathroom in winter is some kind of portal to the ice dimension.  Bathrooms are freezing and every time we clean ourselves we risk frost mummification.  We can’t boycott showers, so best of luck and make sure your family knows you love them before getting clean.