4 Reasons to Love Turtles

You’re in for a shell of a good time.  Turtles are an absolutely fabulous animal.  Among the other members of the animal kingdom, they are the most likely to help you move a couch or throw a barbecue.  You can’t not love turtles.  If by chance you encounter some weirdo who doesn’t like these majestic creatures, then you’ve now got this handy list to show them why they are wrong.  If this list doesn’t work, then promptly cease all contact with that scoundrel.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/manuelsagra/383825655/

1.  Armor

Turtles come with their own set of built in armor.  That’s totally amazing.  If you could rewrite humanity to have turtle shells, you would in a heartbeat.  By extension, this basically means turtles are the knights in shining armor of the animal kingdom.  Legend has it knights were inspired to be noble and good after observing the mighty turtle in its natural state of donating to animal charity and helping old ladies cross the street (slowly).  Rock on turtle friends.

2.  Attitude

Turtles are the most relaxed animal this side of the sloth.  Sloths are loftier creatures, though, often aspiring for great heights at a relaxed pace.  Turtles are more grounded, preferring to take things one step at a time.  Usually not more than one step, they don’t want to overdo it.  If you ever need an attitude adjustment, go talk to a turtle.  Their sage-like wisdom will soon calm the fire burning inside of you, ascending you unto a zen-like state of terrapin enlightenment.

http://godzilla.wikia.com/wiki/File:Showa_Gamera_Flying.jpg

3.  Marketability

Turtles also rock because they resonate culturally.  Not every animal can carry multiple franchises and still be cool.  Look no further than the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  They made sure the world was ready for pizza and saying cowabunga, while making multicolored masks look cool.  Then there’s Gamera, a giant flying fanged turtle contemporary of Godzilla.  His official titles are Guardian of the Universe, The Brave, and Friend of All Children.  You can’t beat a resume like that.

4.  Selection

Turtles are the best kind of animal friend because you can always find one to fit your needs.  If you’re always on the go, you can get a tiny portable turtle to take care of.  If you’re living a stable life in a big yard, you can get a giant monster tortoise.  They live for hundreds of years.  All turtles come with their personal carrying case, aka the armor discussed earlier.  They come in all shades of green and brown.  They can live in the ocean or the desert.  Find the turtle that’s right for you.