Thanksgiving is Thursday. I know, it’s so soon! Don’t forget shopping right after! It’s never ending! You’re a person of great fortune however. There are loads of things you can take care of right now. There’s no need to hesitate. Get off your booty and get cracking on these tasks. You know how stressful the next week is going to be, so you might as well listen to us, your old pals, and get started right away. We’re always right, whether you want to admit it or not. Let’s go!
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1. Turkey
Get a turkey. It’s too close to the actual Thanksgiving holiday to raise your own turkey into a delicious meal, or even get the eggs. What you could mabe do is go find a live turkey, maybe wild, and bring it home to make tasty in a few days. The best idea of course is to go buy a bird, pre-dead. Frozen too if you can. Take it home with you, start the prep for tastiness, and wait a few days before starting to cook it. It’s better to get the bird now and avoid to Road Warrior mentality of holiday shoppers.
2. Light the Beacons
No one likes dealing with family or friends in times of crisis. We do it, yeah, but it’s still no fun. Make sure that your holiday plans are set and concrete with verbal confirmations. Get a contract signed if you can. Maybe even a blood oath. The idea here is to create less confusion when you get close to the holiday. The seats are set, no surprise guests or hurtful absences. Everything should be hammered down to the very minute if you can. There will be no chaos in the realm.
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3. Mess Hall
Once you have your guests planned out and your turkey de-feathered, you need to figure out the food allotment. How much turkey and gravy and taters is everyone going to need? What about drinks? Who isn’t allowed near the booze? Who needs more booze because they are incredibly lame otherwise? These are important decisions you need to take up with your nearest council of friends or elders. Don’t give out too much food, or people will fall into food comas and never leave.
4. Chaos Reigns
Make sure to build in fail safes. Have some kind of vegan or vegetarian dish available in case some one at the meal decides to fake having principles all of a sudden. Have a couple of extra chairs in case a divorced couple gets randomly remarried. Make sure your TV is big and loud enough that the football enthusiasts can satisfy their gladiatorial lust. Always, ALWAYS have more beer. Beer is the great equalizer to either give or drain energy. Kid-proof everything valuable.
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5. Shopaholic
Shopaholic is very sadly a real word. The internet won’t even spell check it. Point is, a lot of people shoot for Black Friday/Cyber Monday shopping right after Thanksgiving. This is a foolish endeavor. These Faux-lidays (see what I did there?) are really get bloodsport set up for the joyless rich. Instead, stock up on supplies from less popular locations the do some leisurely shopping in a couple of weeks. There’s nothing important enough to ruin time with loved ones.
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