Things to Make You Say Boo: The Worst Things to do on Halloween

Halloween is the spookiest holiday, but some of the real monsters live in our world.  While ghosts, ghouls, goblins, gremlins, and gargoyles make for good fiction, the real world can produce things just as nasty.  So with the allowed haunted holiday right around the corner, consider these things that make you the worst kind of person on Halloween.  These tricks are no treat, and you've been fairly alerted to what makes you a vampiric fun-sucker.

1.  Floss

You're supposed to give out candy on Halloween.  That's a tradition as hallowed as apple pie and the constitution.  Some misguided individuals have elected, over the years to try to offer healthy alternatives.  These run the gamut, bu the worst offender are the houses that give out floss.  No person out for candy has ever wanted dental care instead.  Then, no one who regularly cares for their teeth likes to floss.  Floss is the biggest faux pas.  It makes wearing white after labor day look like bringing twister to a birthday party.  Please, just don't give out floss.

2.  Mean Pranks

Halloween also has a storied history of having pranks happen.  That's where the "trick" in "trick or treat" comes from.  However, pranks have escalated over time.  It's one things to rearrange jack o'lanterns, an entirely different thing to smash them.  Toilet papering a house is funny in theory, but it's a waste of paper and the next day clean up is a monster.  If it happens to rain, well then the poor house is a total mess.  The urge to cause mischief is natural and understandable, but make sure to measure yourself.  We live in an era of amazing technology.  A simple fart machine is possibly the best thing ever invented.  Use that instead.

3.  Propaganda

Since Halloween is a holiday with a tense history of a vaguely religious background, some people have sought to use it for their own purposes.  Some don't celebrate, which is fine.  Others choose to use it to push an agenda.  Whether it's a personal agenda, or a shoddy business proposal, or an attempt at political campaign, it's a dire misuse of our nation's greatest holiday.  Halloween is a free candy day for kids and a one-night reprieve from the pressures of identity for adults.  It's not to be corrupted into a being a gear in a machine.  Just celebrate!

4.  Criticize

Halloween is supposed to be fun, most of all.  The rest of the holidays in the year involve family obligations and major retail pushes.  The holidays right before Halloween are underwhelming and often forgotten.  This is a night, deep in the harvest season, to let loose and have fun.  Some of the people you'll encounter will tell you you're not doing Halloween right.  That your costume isn't scary enough, or you didn't bring the right pumpkin dish, or the leaves in your Autumn mural don't look crisp enough.  Don't listen to them.  Just slip on your mask for the night and become something else for a while.