The Secrets of Growing a Beard

Manliness is a constant.  Every can think of some masculine figure in their life, and they all share a few commonalities.  In recent years, the beard has become a fashionable accessory for the male face.  Events like Mustache March and No-Shave November have seen record increases in participants and lazy guys jumping on the bandwagon.  Movies like Argo, The Lord of the Rings, and 300 have made it trendy to cultivate some fuzz on one's face.  Not everyone can grow a beard correctly, and there needs to be some guidance on that path.

1.  Know Your Limits

You know whether or not you can grow a beard.  There's a yes or no line, and you know if it's crossed.  There are those rare individuals who are in denial about their beard ability, mostly teenagers and the insecure.  Work with what you have.  If you can only grow parts of a beard, work with those parts.  Orlando Bloom has become a rich sex symbol while only growing the weakest of whisps.  If you can't grow a beard, don't.  It's ok, because it allows you to develop other aspects of yourself.  It's the beard inside  that counts.

2.  Find Your Style

Do you know what your face looks like?  What does your significant other think of your face?  As seen by Riker in Star Trek: The Next Generation, a beard has the power to completely reshape/fix your face.  You can use your beard as both an accent to your natural facial structure, or as a topiary tool for reshaping your weaker aspects.  A beard can act as a prosthetic chin, or reshape your neckline into something more defined.  Thor and Aquaman have both used beards to cover battle scars, so you're in good company.

3.  Cut With Care

Maintenance is a key part of beard ownership.  Unless you're specifically going for the prospector, hobo, or Scooby-Doo villain look, you need to keep your face neat and orderly.  A trimmed beard is the difference between a rugged good look and someone calling the cops on you at the bar.  The closer you look to Charles Manson, the further you are from your intended goal.  As long as you keep a maintained profile, your beard should be kept in good graces and welcomed by all.

4.  Embrace the Spirit

Beards are about a message, as well.  A message of freedom, of self determination.  Of right & wrong.  Of America.  Beards are a choice, and the living embodiment of choosing your own path.  Beards aren't just for men, either.  women can have beards.  Bearded ladies are going to be the next celebutant.  Even kids can have a beard, with parental supervision.  There will come a day soon when Big Shaving Cream will try to tell you beards are uncool, and too dangerous for the public.  They'll be wrong.  Embrace the wild side of who you are.  Be the beard in your heart.