Pirates are as big right now as they've ever been. In the last ten years, piracy has been all over the news. You've got a major film franchise in the Pirates of the Caribbean movies, which have 4 entries, a 5th on the way, and countless millions in merchandising. The new Assassin's Creed game even gives you the chance to assume the role of a pirate. Then there's the real life topic of piracy, as in places like Somalia and in movies like Captain Phillips. Then, there's online piracy, the alleged death of modern media, since it can all be stolen easily. Even the Muppets have gotten in on the action, with their hit literary adaptation, Muppet Treasure Island. If you have even a passing interest in pirates, we're here to help you explore your options.
1. Dress for Success
Make sure that you dress the part of a pirate. All pirates have a sense of grandeur and swagger, so make sure to choose loud, flamboyant outfits. Frilly shirts, big hats, perhaps a colorful animal companion. Your options include a parrot, a chihuahua in a purse, a ferret, and a rat, among others. If you're the scary real life kind of pirate, this works as well. The garish wardrobe will serve to intimidate the ships you end up raiding. Online pirates can wear anything at home, but make sure to dress in a mocking fashion at your trial.
2. Travel in Style
A good pirate needs a good ship. Since we've come a long way in sea travel, your ship can take many forms. If you're land based, choose a well decorated Cadillac, Buick, or other such large car. Affixing a mast to the tops is optional. If you're using a bike or a scooter, affix baseball cards to the wheels and streamers to the handles. Bring a fog machine to replicate that eerie ocean ambiance. Use bright glowy paint if you're going for more of a ghost pirate vibe. Pirates are free, so go nuts with your personal style.
3. Let Your Freak Flag Fly
A good piracy cause needs a rallying cry. You thus need a quality flag to rally behind. Online pirates drop anchor at claims of freedom of information and ideas, so their flag and motto might revolve around the image of a flying brain, or a burning dollar bill. Scary real life pirates are regular people in desperate situations, so a flag with a donation hotline might send the right PR message. If you have a family crest, feel free to use it, at the expense of being a possible black sheep at reunions. See if you can't impress a graphic designer into your crew.
4. Incredible Crew
A good pirate is nothing without a good crew. A modern crew can be less about seamanship and more about support and common goals. To make for a good pirate crew, make sure everyone has at least one stand out, defining trait, with a complimentary color scheme. That way it's easier to sell the media rights of your tales and adventures. Online pirates can also award themselves groovy nicknames. Make sure that your nicknames are rough and raw, like superhacker95, or XXthiefofthereefXX. Your reputation will make it easier to plunder.
5. Sing Along
A good bonding experience for pirate crews is the old sea shanty. Since no one really has need of sea shanties any more, a good playlist will suffice. Make sure it relates to your current situation. Scary real life pirates will likely be drawn to songs of hardship and danger, like old country ballads and Bon Jovi songs. Online pirates seem to have an affinity for techno and European club beats. Your pirate soundtrack is much like your flag. Your pirate choices define it as much as its songs define you. What's most important is that everyone knows it and sings it during work, every day.
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