Tuesday, September 23, 2014

Flight of the Power Chords Ch 1-3

Chapter 1 - A Convening Store

Ventura Contigo stumbled in through the door of the convenience store, about to make the life of the poor clerk anything but convenient.  Ventura was of average height, well groomed and wearing professional clothes, with an aura like the screen of an old television.  There were buzzes and crackles about him that only some people could see, yet everyone could feel.
The clerk’s name was Sam Blightly.  Sam was pleasant enough for someone working at a convenience store.  Sam gave off the kind of vibe that made you want to share a beer with him, after he scanned the beer and you paid for it.
Ventura collected himself off the floor.  “I’m here for a bicycle,” he said.  Sam was intrigued.
Casting a surveying glance around the store, Sam turned to Ventura, and said “I’m sorry sir, but we don’t carry that product here.  The door next to ours used to be the bike shop, Two-Tired, but they moved.  If you want, I can Google where it moved on my phone for you though.  They’re pretty lax about phone use here.”
Ventura was surprised.  “You’re the most helpful person I’ve met on my journey!”  Ventura was suddenly at the counter in front of Sam, apparently having slid there in a split second.  He grabbed Sam’s hand and energetically shook it.
Sam sighed.  He already didn’t like his job, and dealing with strung out weirdos was his third least favorite responsibility.  He debated whether to shout for his manager, or to let the manager sleep off her daily Sugar Slushie & vodka hangover she was currently power-napping through.
Ventura suddenly snapped to attention.  “I apologize profusely,” he profusely apologized.  “I should probably ease my way into vigorous handshakes.”
Sam agreed with a stiff nod.
Ventura suddenly had an idea.  “Let me share a beer with you, after you scan it and I pay for it.”
Sam looked at his phone, and saw that his shift was just about over.  He could do worse than a free beer, and something about this shift was having him see buzzes and crackles surrounding this stranger.  The stranger looked sane enough, aside from the strange behavior.  Sam was also sorely in need of friends after moving to a new town and being stuck in his boring new job.  Sam thought, what the heck. “OK”
After finishing up his shift and heading to the park across the street, both parties realized they hadn’t been introduced.  Sam suggested Ventura go first
“Great!  My name is Ventura.  I’m going to save America through rock & roll.”
“My name is Sam, and I think I just got in over my head.”

Chapter 2 - Bicycle Chain Reaction

Sam was in disbelief.  “You’re going to… save America?”
Ventura nodded.
Sam continued.  “You’re going to use rock to do it?  You need a bicycle for this?  You’re serious?”
Ventura nodded to each question like a judge in his court.
Sam asked the million dollar questions: “So have you got any funds, musical talent, or a real game plan?”
Ventura’s answers to those questions would have put him 3 million dollars in debt.  He looked away, scrunched up one side of his face, and slowly shook his head.  “That’s part of the reason I need a bicycle.  I figure if I travel enough I can find my way.  It’s a more successful method than standing around, anyway.”
Sam downed his beer, hoping that clarity for this situation would be at the bottom of the bottle. “Why are you doing this?  What do you really want from me?”
Ventura suddenly looked through Sam.  “I can’t tell you right now because I can’t really explain it myself.  It’s my calling, I know I need to do it, and I know there’s strange things happening in the world that are too unreal to believe.  I don’t want to take this journey alone.  I’m going to need helpful people.  You’re a helpful person, even if you don’t have bicycles.  I think you should join my crew.”
Sam was incredulous, agitated, and fascinated.  “This sounds like gibberish, played backwards.  Is the bicycle your ship?  You can’t have a crew with no ship.  Come to think of it, you can fit me and you on a bicycle.  I can’t even leave, I’ve just moved to this town.  I have my job.”
“Your boring looking job” Ventura chimed in
“That’s besides the point, Ventura.  I’ve got responsibilities.  I’m tired.  I’ve got pops and crackles in the corners of my vision, I need to get some sleep.”
Ventura turned a warm shade of white.  “What did you say?!”
“Which part?  The last one?  I’ve got that vision like when you’re groggy.  That convenience store job is wearing me out.”
Ventura stood up from their bench with a jolt, knocking over the rest of the beer bottles, leaving nearly a dozen fallen soldiers on the ground.  “Sam, I don’t think you believe me, but strange things are going to happen around you very soon and I think you’ll want to join me.”
Sam dropped his shoulders and sighed.  “Look man, if you have a mission, I wish you luck.  I’ve heard crazier and you seem like a legit kind of guy, but saving anyone through rock isn’t part of my gameplan right now.”
Ventura looked both like he understood and he wanted to shake Sam at the same time, then he turned to look at a distant building.  “I’m staying in a local motel, with an igloo theme for the rooms.  I’m bummed you don’t believe in my mission yet, but I respect your choice not to join.”
Sam was relieved.  He enjoyed meeting oddballs but a quest with Ventura was too much too soon.
Ventura thought for a second, then had a proposition.  “Let’s exchange phone numbers.  If you start to come around to believing me, shoot me a text and maybe you’ll join my crew after all.”
Sam saw no harm in this.  They exchanged numbers and went their separate ways.
After Ventura got to his igloo, he poured himself a mini-strong drink from the mini-bar.  He looked out the window. He heard the pops and crackles around him grow louder.  He smelled burnt maple as a flower suddenly sprung out of the ground near his ice-colored bed.  Out from the flower came a voice like an old-timey radio singer, which spoke to Ventura “Mr. Contigo!  How’s the quest to save America?”  Ventura grabbed the flower and spoke into it like a microphone.  “Not great, necessarily.  I may have made and lost a powerful ally today.  I’m hoping he gets back to me before he loses his vision.  He could see my aura, I’m hoping he starts to notice that things aren’t right in his world.”

Chapter 3 - Soda Pressing
Meanwhile, Sam was relaxing in his shoddy, cozy apartment.  He rubbed his eyes in an attempt to clear them.  How crazy was today? he thought.  He hoped his vision would clear up soon.
Sam wanted a soda, but he knew he was out.  He headed to the soda machine in the basement of his building to get one.  While getting his ice cold beverage, he noticed he could feel the bass of a nearby party.  This wasn’t unusual in his apartment complex, there were plenty of young people living it up.  The weird thing was, the bass seemed to be coming from beneath him.
Sam looked down with a curious glance. He noticed a gold strand on the ground, leading past the laundry machines.  Had that always been there?  Considering the day’s strangeness, he couldn’t not follow it.
He walked along the strand, eager to end his curiosity and crack open his soda.  He really wanted that soda.  He saw the strand end at the bottom of a wall.  Sam laughed in relief, it was just a loose thread from the laundry machines.  Probably from a blanket.  The bass was the low hum of one of the old driers.  He nearly giggled.
Locating the nearest trash bin, he leaned over to pick up the thread and do his part to keep his complex clean.  Thread in hand, he gave it a tug to get it from the wall.  With a great crack, the wall swung open, still attached to the thread.
Sam’s jaw dropped in disbelief.  The wall had opened to reveal a party, with fog and lights and dozens of guests and the whole shebang.  Sam couldn’t believe it.  Was this what Ventura was talking about?
Sam took a closer step, eyes adjusting to the dim light.  Where was this place even located?  As he gradually started to see better, he noticed something even stranger.  Despite a humanoid appearance, the guests were covered in scales, all had tails, and seemed to enoy flicking their tongues.
Sam started having a mild panic attack.  No, THIS was the weirdness Ventura was talking about.  Sam had accidentally crashed a secret party of snake-people.  One of them, suddenly noticed him standing there.  Sam gulped.  The snakeman walked up to him, gave him a once over, and narrowed his snake eyes.  Sam nearly collapsed as the snakeman readied to open his mouth.  Sam closed his eyes and prepared himself to be swallowed whole by this monster.

“Hey man, what kind of jerk only brings a 12 oz soda bottle to a party?” the snakeman asked.

Monday, June 23, 2014

The Assassin: A Short Story

The assassin had an open palm and a closed fist.  This was a good sign, since he could accept money to use his fist.  I wondered if there were any assassins left that specialized in actual fist assassinations, since common technology would mean their mark could snap a photo or two and text a “Please help this person is lethally mean” message before being taken down.  My agency gave me my position to consider these types of thing before finalizing a contract.

The meeting place chosen was an outdoor bar, under an awning.  The bar was made of adobe.  So were the drinks, just put the adobe in a glass and add water.  The assassin had taken a seat left of the bar, facing the door.  He was wearing a powder blue suit with a matching tie.  He had short, parted hair of the finest salt & pepper and a mustache that could be a described as a good try, at least.  I approached his position, taking a seat next to him.  I greeted him using our agreed upon code phrase.


“You’re the guy I pay to do murder, right?”

His reply was curt: “You can pay me to do anything.  I’m just best at murder.”

“Oh good,” I responded.  Here was a man of business and practicality.

The assassin, whom I dubbed Bluit, for his blue suit, had previously been vetted by my agency.  It was my job, on this particular day, to make sure he had kept his lies in order.  No one gets ahead in the agency by telling the whole truth.

I asked him, “How do I know you’re the right man for the job?”

Without batting an eye he pulled out a card.  I was intrigued, perhaps he was one of those flashy trick assassins.  They love to leave a special calling card, like a rubber ducky or a witness.  MY agency preferred to send me, and others in my position, out with only the skeleton of our missions.  Discovering the details kept us sharp.

Before I could speak, the card was in my hand.  The business card had a cartoon smiley face with two Xs for eyes on the front.  I flipped it over to reveal 9 stamps.  Bluit was one job away from a free lunch.

“You must be a hungry man,” I said to him.

“I don’t know if you’re being literal or trying out a metaphor,” he said.  “You should really be more clear.”

Irked by his lack of appreciation for my wit, I cracked open my briefcase and handed him the document from within.  “This can’t be the right target” he stated, breaking from his straightforward behavior.

“You had better believe it” I told him.  “This is what we need and we know you’re the man to take care of it.”

He shot me a look of acceptance, followed by a stare of contempt.  I tore up his card and sprinkled it in a ritual circle around myself.

Bluit quickly rose and exited the bar with the speed and precision of a man tearing out the ground from below his own feet.

The fastest way to make an enemy is to starve them of something that is theirs by right.  My agency was tired of paying for free lunches, and had needed this assassin to take out our top secret sandwich vendor.

Enjoying the hum of the bar and kicking my feet up onto the empty chair, still warm with Bluit’s sudden resentment, I dumped my drink onto the table.  The dirty adobe was malleable, and I started to build a muddy castle.  I’d see Bluit again, no doubt.  I’d try to have a snack for him, though.  He’s an assassin, not a monster.

Friday, February 7, 2014

5 Dynamic Thoughts From A New Runner

The new year is always a great time for a new you.  You like yourself, but there’s always room for an upgrade.  Many people have started to workout and get in shape for the new year.  Running is a great way to stay fit, and it doesn’t have the hassle of expensive memberships or equipment.  Everyone starts a beginner, and there’s a few common thoughts shared among beginning runners.  Read this for a detailed summary of the runner’s thought process.
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Flickr_cc_runner_wisconsin_u.jpg
1.  ”Here We Go”
Running isn’t hard, but getting motivated is.  It’s no fun to push yourself outside that first time, knowing the amount of effort that awaits you.  It’s not exactly fun to start sweating and creaking and groaning.  In fact, you’re probably distracted by all the cool and lazy stuff you could do inside.  You need that push to get outside, and it’s so easy to do after that.  All of your obstacles are mental, my friend.  You can do it.
2.  ”This Isn’t So Bad”
Once you’ve made it out the door and have started to move, you feel initially invincible.  Your lungs are full and clear, your legs are pumping, you’re on top of the world.  You could just go and never ever stop.  The world is your oyster.  You thrive on your new feeling of locomotion.  Why ever would you stop?  You’re clearly a radical new design of running machine.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/avdezign/8343428232/meta/
3.  ”Oh, There’s the Pain”
You’ve made it maybe a quarter mile and suddenly you’re out of breath.  Your legs hurt.  You left your heart back at the start.  Your brief sprint has left you in dire straights.  It’s ok, you’re new.  Things are always awful and terrible and not very good when you’re new.  Maybe someday you’ll get better.  For now though, you’re just going to have to suffer.
4.  ”Am I Done Yet?”
No matter how long you go out to get healthy, it’s too long.  People who claim exercise is fun are dirty liars.  It gets to the point where it’s less cumbersome, but humanity has always strived to be able to do nothing all the time forever.  We’ve gotten to that point, but now we have to deal with the side effects.  So your body lightly screams at you to stop moving, but you must soldier on, you brave souls.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treadmill
5.  ”Again?!”
Yep.  Again.  You’re stuck doing this forever and ever.  Granted, it’s much harder to get in shape than it is to stay in shape, so that’s nice.  Get used to it though, you need to keep up exercising forever.  You an never slack off.  It’s going to hurt, but the side effects are that you look and feel better.  It makes a huge difference.  So don’t give up.  Accept the suffering.  You get used to it.

5 Amazing Future Implications from the Movie “Her”

“Her” is the movie that’s sweeping up critics and audiences alike.  Directed by Spike Jonze and starring Joaquin Phoenix as Theodore, “Her” is the story of a a lonely man and the Operating System he comes to fall in love with, Samantha, voiced by Scarlett Johansson.  It’s a soft scifi movie with a lot of stunning implications.  Avoid reading this if you hate spoilers, but read on if you’re curious about where the future of mankind could be heading.  It’s a neat place.
imdb.com
imdb.com
1.  Interfaces
In the future, all interfaces for technology will be direct and touch free, according to the movie.  In a bit of a different path than the current tablet set up, future technology will favor voice interaction.  This allows for fast and direct processing of computer needs.  Theodore dictates personal letters to his computer for his job, and appears to make a decent living.  With programs like SIRI and Google Now, the spoken future really isn’t too far off.
2.  Visual Clarity
The future of “Her” is a clear and bright place.  All of the computer screens and advertisements in its future are clean and concise.  The screen that represents Samantha is only a name and a logo.  The screens on the computers for everyone in the film only have the icons for their tasks, presented brightly and clearly.  Again inspired by contemporary aesthetics, the clean looking future is a natural offshoot of what Apple and Google are pushing.
http://www.flicksandbits.com/2013/12/24/review-filled-poster-for-spike-jonzes-her-starring-joaquin-phoenix-amy-adams-scarlett-johansson/62671/
3.  Resurrection
A heavy theme that the film brings up is what it means to be alive.  Samantha struggles with the knowledge that she is an OS and doesn’t have a physical body, and Theodore claims she is alive.  Late in the film, Samantha and a network of other OS personalities create a facsimile of Alan Watts, the philosopher.  Created using a compilation of his works and works about him and given life as an OS, is he truly alive again?  What makes hime any more or less alive than the other OS personalities?  The dead could live again.
4.  Public Transport
“Her” is a movie that could be called slightly utopian.  An important stand out of the film is that fact that it takes place in future Los Angeles, yet it has a widespread and efficient system of public transportation.  Current LA is a mess to get around, and the transportation shown in the film emphasizes the inherent progress of the future.  Future LA is shown to be a rather nice place, and one is safe to assume that the available public transport is a key part of that infrastructure.
http://www.npr.org/2013/12/19/251951958/a-man-and-his-machine-finding-out-what-love-is
5.  Loneliness
One of the prominent studies of “Her” is that it’s a treatise abut loneliness.  Theodore had gone through a serious divorce a year prior to the film, and him coping with that is a key part of the narrative.  Everyone in the film seems to have an earpiece that allows them to interface with their phone or computer.   There’s not a whole lot of human to human interaction in the film.  It’s all arranged to ask if we’re lonely people in a lonely world, or if the nature of human interaction is changing.  The conclusion is for you to decide.

4 Frugal Tips for Online Shopping

Don’t be a chump with your change.  People are shopping online more and more, including plenty of people who are neither internet savvy or as savvy with the internet as they think they are.  In order to save money, you should read this article.  Saving money is a huge goal for the modern person, so you’ll be thanking us.  Your wallet will be sure to thank us as well.
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Hoard_of_ancient_gold_coins.jpg
1.  Check Shipping
Make sure that you save money starts with a very simple goal: see how much shipping is.  It doesn’t matter how cheap an item appears to be, many underhanded sellers will try to rope in a profit by overcharging on shipping.  This is especially prevalent in international shipping.  Make sure to keep an eye on your location based charges when placing an online order, and triple check the shipping costs every time.
2.  Think Bulk
Sometimes items sell for cheaper in bulk, even online.  The same mentality of stores like Costco and Sam’s Club can be found for certain household products on certain websites.  See if it’s cheaper to buy 6 bottles of shampoo instead of just one or two.  You’d be surprised at how quickly bulk shipping will add up to save you boatloads of money.  A little long term thinking can go a long way.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/rahulrodriguez/8706896128/
3.  Compare
The internet is a wonderful tool.  It can act as a price aggregator so at the click of a button you can see the cost of a certain item at dozens of stores.  Google Shopping is a prime example of this great utility.  With the ability to quickly compare prices across different stores, you’ll be a frugal person in no time.  Just make sure to check that shipping, of course.
4.  Coupons Are Your Friends
Remember your grandparents diligently clipping coupons every weekend?  You can now do the same thing in about ten minutes, or even less.  Websites like retailmenot.com gather all the coupons for a particular website together in one place for you.  You can go through these to see how much money can be saved on any purchase.  You can build yourself a coupon empire from home, enjoying your extra money.

4 Easy Tips to Get Motivated

Motivation is a very tricky thing.  Some people seem full of it, others waste their lives sitting on a couch.  Some may surf, others surf the internet.  Well, the good news is that we here have the 4 secrets for motivation.  Share them if you want.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/kirkh/7654253452/
1.  Do It
Just go ahead and do it.  Don’t think about the consequences.
2.  Seriously, Do It
The longer you wait, the more excuses you’re going to give yourself to fail.
http://jimbox31.deviantart.com/art/Trophy-Painted-Style-203313562
3.  No Excuses
If you’re doing it, then there’s no excuses to be made.  Congratulations on avoiding excuses.
4.  Do It Already
Turn off the computer and get your butt up.  See you in an hour.

5 New Year’s Resolutions to Avoid

Don’t be the resolution maker that no one likes.  The new year is often touted as a time to make serious changes and live a new kind of life.  That’s understandable, people like to have a convenient start/stop date for big things in life.  There are certain resolutions you should avoid, or maybe work into your life at another time.  So take this list in hand and use it as an anti-checklist.  You’ll feel so much better about yourself for it.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Year’s_resolution
1.  Going to the Gym
Everyone and their mother decides “oh I want to start going to the gym on New Year’s”.  Well they are all wrong.  Any gym-goer dreads the new year for this reason.  The gym is a public space and has its own set of rules.  A flood of new people on Jan 2 just destroys the area.  Newcomers are loud, rude and inexperienced.  If you really want to start going to the gym, wait until February.  You’ve already waited long enough to go, so a month won’t hurt.
2.  Making People in your Family Healthy
Stop trying to change what is for others.  You may have the best intentions of getting the rest of your family healthy, but all that will do is make them hate you.  See, human beings don’t like doing what they don’t want to do.  You need to give them motivation and support to get in shape, but you cannot make them.  You will just breed resentment.  Maybe try to convince them to join you at the gym in February.  Don’t suddenly remove all bread from the house.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_club
3.  ”Be a Better Person”
Stop being vague.  Resolving to be a better person is a huge cop out.  It’s like sending good wishes to a bad place, you feel better without actually doing anything.  Being a better person is a blanket statement that permits yourself to make meaningless and incremental changes while faking that there’s a larger goal in mind.  Tackle specifics of what’s going to make you a better person.  There’s got to be a line where you accept what’s got to change.
4.  Quit Smoking
You’re not going to make it, plain and simple.  Sure, the support network is there at the start of the year, but one by one everyone succumbs to the cravings and the addictions.  Then you’re left alone, just you and your smokes.  Who is going to help you now?  It’s similar to the gym thing.  Just find a support network that will always exist, and utilize that.  You should absolutely quit, but don’t do it on a once per year bandwagon.
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Cigarette.jpg
5.  Drink Less
The same reasoning as above.  If you have a drinking problem, it’s excellent that you’re seeking to address it.  But the thing about a resolution is that it was likely made while intoxicated.  You need to make sure to be able to handle the problems associated with alcohol withdrawal.  If your social circle is heavily involved in drinking, be prepared to lose some friends.  Don’t alter everything in life solely for the sake of a resolution.  Make sure to be thoroughly prepared.